Tails

I told my lead about the fire. Tried to keep it neutral and informative since that’s all that it truly was. Now I’m a bit worried she’s going to get on the plane to fly here.

Closed on most of my other actors today. Amazing casting progress. But only helpful if I have a lead to film alone the first two days.

I should feel more accomplished right now but I still haven’t finished going through and making notes I my own script.

I keep getting distracted by putting out fires. Figuratively and literally.

DP and Gaffer want to shift the schedule every day here to basically be 1pm-1am. I get it. Why fly everyone all the way up here just to tent the set out every night in a way that makes it so being on location is like being on a set anyway.

It would be fine if it had been something discussed earlier. I’m worried the college isn’t going to be okay with the shift. I would not worry about that ordinarily except that they all seem so overwhelmed by dealing with the aftermath of the fire. Which is completely fair and understandable. They’re dealing with something insane and we’re over here whining about what is convenient for our movie.

So we shall see.

And I’m sure the crew is not going to love the shift in the schedule. It’s not really what we promised them when they signed onto the project.

Again – none of this is wrong or bad. It’s just not what we had asked for / promised.

So I get if everyone hates me right now. I kind of hate me right now.

I feel so gross asking people to cater to me ever. And to ask people for anything when they’re dealing with anything else – especially the aftermath of a room being on fire – makes me feel awful.

Now my lead might not show up at all.

I didn’t even get a chance to FaceTime with my daughter today. I know she won’t remember me not being there in the long term. And I know she’s having a great time without me having to be there to give her a great time. But why do I deserve to pursue my own career above overseeing her daily happiness?

What am I even doing here? Why is it important for me to even bring anyone here to tell this story? Why should anyone take the time out of their lives to be a part of this?

I just feel sick to my stomach no matter which angle I look at myself.